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Intuitive Insights (Conscious Blog)

Aurelia's Awakening

12 years ago after my daughter was born I contracted Lyme disease and Ehrlichia chaffeensis a severe and rare tick borne infection that can be fatal especially when untreated. I was postpartum with a c section and went undiagnosed for close to a year. Because I was a new mother, I had nothing to compare it to. I thought every new mother was just very tired and the myriad of MDs told me- to just go home and sleep. And because "I looked fine" doctors had a hard time filing me in a diagnostic box. As time went on, the infections nestled deep within my nervous system, muscular system and joints. Causing severe pain, heart arrhythmias, memory loss, word retrieval issues (for the most simplest of words such as “chair”) and sleep paralysis. Imagine being fully awake and not being able to move your body. Shooting pains in my elbows would not allow me to sleep at night and my nerves would twitch and buzz like I was electrified.

But one of the most notable moments came when I forgot how to read music. The musical staff that I had been a staple in my brain since I was five years old meant nothing to me. I couldn’t understand the symbols. It was if my entire life’s work was blank. 
But I could “feel”. At that point my life consisted of pain, daily physical, mental and emotional pain. And every fear you can imagine showed it’s face. This went on for almost 2 years.

Those years I lived my greatest nightmares which eventually became my biggest gifts, although going through it felt much more like a living hell. 
The physical, mental and emotional suffering was palpable but because nothing else was working I slowly started to learn to listen and trust my own body; and it became my temple.
During those years I committed to healing myself from the INSIDE out.
The light and sound sensitivity was intense which forced me to find a new way to see (intuitively)
I could only concentrate for a short time due to headaches and Lyme induced anxiety which guided me to a daily practice of meditation. 
For a year I only walked on cement for fear of getting bit again which in turn allowed me to acknowledge my fear of death and uncertainty. 
Facing myself daily was interesting and difficult. Why was I unhappy? Why did I allow mistreatment from my partners? Where did the drive for achievement and perfectionism come from? Why did I have an immense amount of energy and creativity and what the hell am I supposed to be doing with it all? I was already teaching 600 students a week with a choir of 200. I went to Juilliard had a Masters Degree with an equivalent to a Phd in everything else I have studied. I was an athlete, had a nice house, new baby. Why couldn't I just BE? What was I really afraid of? It was as if I was having a mid life crisis at 32. Or was it? I was overstressed, overworked and overburdened and totally unfulfilled. THIS was my awakening.

Playing Beethoven’s Sonata No .8 at that time seemed like a distant memory. In the quiet recess of my mind I had much music to write. I hadn’t composed in over 10 years and it was time for my voice to be a heard again. I didn’t NEED the symbols to write from my heart. Sound is SOUND.

I remember the day I finally surrendered, on my knees in the laundry room on a pile of dirty clothes. I vowed to become an instrument of service to this earth. To use my gifts of creativity to heal and uplift others, because I so desperately wanted to be healed and uplifted. From that place forward I have continued to grow, learn, adapt and not accept status quo. Even if everyone else was doing it. I had never been a follower in my youth and it was time I remembered who I was and become who I was meant to be. I learned to be true to myself because my life (and health) depended on it. 
That was 2008. In 2012, SOUND was the first healing arts center to open the day after the tragedy in my town. It came in a dream in 2010 and was as if God said “Ok you are a healer now heal”. Next chapter...

Today I create music for love, I sing for enlightenment and live for joy, freedom and compassion. I help others because I know how it feels to suffer to be hurt, lost and alone. And I also know suffering is indeed optional Joy is our Divine birthright. And being human is downright difficult sometimes. Everyone is working on something.

Next month I am releasing new music. 
A symphony for the soul I wrote in 2010. It is a Sonic Journey that includes sound healing, chakra balancing, toning, high vibrational frequencies, brain altering sound waves, technology to reprogram our subconscious mind with a focus on the strongest biological electrical and magnetic field in the human body. And my friends it is NOT the brain.

So thank you for reading this Very Long Post. But I believe as humans when we act from a place of love, kindness, compassion and a bit of vulnerability at times it reminds us we are ALL connected by the virtue of being human; and humility is indeed grace. We might have different levels of consciousness but every human heart is equal.

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